The tomatoes had launched another attack on humanity, and people were running scared.
With the help of the despicable Dr. Gangreen and his entourage of tomato and human baddies, the tomatoes were again on the offensive. First to insidiously weave their way back into our salads and sauces. Then to conquer all of humanity.
Unfortunately, a new generation, unaware of the past tomato threat, were doomed to repeat the past, unable to resist their traditional pizza and salad-eating taste buds.
That is until Matt Stevens (played by the dashing George Clooney) and Chad Finletter (played by the man who refers to himself in the third person on the hilarious “The Jimmy” episode of Seinfeld) bravely stepped in to crush the inevitable invasion.
Who knows why the tomatoes went on the offensive?
Maybe because they were being slaughtered in droves in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?
Maybe because of the confusion over their divisive fruit vs. vegetable ancestry?
Maybe because the tomatoes were maligned in Europe for hundreds of years?
It’s all documented.
However, we could ponder the origins of their hatred of humanity forever and still not know the root cause of their disdain for us. So, for now, the why is irrelevant and a topic for another time.
When the tomatoes attacked again, we needed a hero to save us from these violent and maniacal vegetables. Uh, I meant fruit.
And that’s when Matt Stevens — played by the courageous George Clooney — stepped in to prevent the red menace from uprising yet again.
George Clooney Saved Us From The Tomatoes
Have you paid homage to this great man for saving us from the vermilion scourge?
Have we given him the honor he deserves?
Have you done your part and stopped your encouragement of the crimson tide, or are you growing them in your backyard garden as we speak?
If George Clooney did one thing, it’s to show us no tomato can ever be trusted—not even the small, seemingly innocuous, cherry tomato. Never turn your back on one. Never. If you do, you’ll certainly come to regret your lackadaisical attitude.
I urge you to remember the long history of our tussle with the tomatoes. Never forget and remain vigilant, my friends.
And, as Return of the Killer Tomatoes so often reminds us all, “Tomatoes are evil. A good tomato is a squashed tomato. Period.”
Thank you, George Clooney. We owe you our lives.